Well some of you have been asking about the wedding. I have to say thank you for you're many wishes. I must say that I'm getting a little nervous that in a couple of weeks that my life will change. Derrick is so cool about everything which I think makes me even more nervous. His just ready and I'm not sure if am ready to be Mrs.... anything. I feel like this is supposed to be the other way around. Derrick should be nervous and have that feeling of not being ready. I don't know if it's that thing I've always had. When it came to relationships it was hard for me to give my all to anybody. I guess I was always afraid of getting hurt. I had a friend once told me I had a problem with commit. I just didn't see it as a problem. So I don't want my heart to get stomped on. My dear friend Trey would say that was the great part about love "After all that stomping on you're heart that you can find love again." I would just look at him as if he lost his mind. He would then say "It would be up to you not to bring the baggage of the hurt and pain."
Love Letters From Trey
I continue to pour my heart out in each letter and still no response. That's just you the not so committed Monica, the girl who can have everything. The very moment that I fell in love but I knew it wasn't attainable. It was the day you invited me to the family picnic. You made me feel apart of you're family. I thought to myself any girl can make me feel apart of something. When I knew it was real is when the wall I built around my heart came down. A rush of something I never felt before came pouring out my once harden heart. As much as I wanted to fight feeling this way about you or any one. I knew at that point the universe had given you the key to my heart. I just didn't know why they would give it to someone who fights being in love. It's not easy telling you this but I feel like my heart will burst if I don't. Every time I want to give up on us the universe brings us back together. The day that I stop writing the letters or trying to make contact with you. It's the day that the Universe will orchestrate us back together. You will fight because you fear the unknown.