Something is missing
If I was that Dude
Dear Journal, 9/28/2015
As I marry the love of my life, I can't help but to think their is something missing. I thought to myself if his the one all the I's are dotted and all the T's are crossed. If that is true why do I have a ache in my heart that lingers for another. I have tried to stay the course but it is harder then I thought. It's been a moment since I wrote anything since I gain the column for the The Chicago Journal. Since the last time I've saw Trey it's just been hard to do much of anything. It's something about this man that stops everything. It's like standing in this bubble that is just made for us but the world don't get it. Hell maybe I don't get it, his the only man that can shut me down. He makes me calm when I didn't know what that word felt like. He shuts down that angry energy and churn up my happy energy. This is coming from someone who goes from 0-100 in seconds. Who could have that much power over another. Well I'm marrying someone else and I don't know if I ever had someone who just centers me. It's not like I don't love Derrick because I do but it's this fire this pull towards Trey I can't explain. When you wake up wanting to talk only to him. The one thing I can't understand is the love I have for Derrick or any other man. It's just not the same as it is with Trey but he sees right through me. His eyes just pierce right through my soul. I think that's what scares me the most that someone could just see me and get me. Why am I running for the fucking hills when all I want is him. What the hell do I do, when I'm about to get married ????????
It will be any day now until you marry someone else but if I was that dude I would stop the wedding. Oh they only do that in the movies but since the first day I met you. It's been like a movie, the girl who stole my heart. If I was that dude I would scream at the top of my lungs that his not the one. Wait you ask how do I know, do you really want to ask me that. If I was that dude I would tell you he can't love you like I can. That sounded like my ego and that's not what I'm about. What I am about is making sure you are where you want to be. If I was that dude but I'm not I'm just a guy who fell in love with a familiar soul. It will break my heart that you will marry another when I have seen our children in my dreams. A girl and a boy that lingers with me as if they are here. What do I do with that? I guess nothing, I could fight for you but I can't make you do anything you don't want to do.
If I was that dude I would be the one you married.
Not So Committed Monica Online Screening
The screening of Not So Committed Monica is finally here and you can watch the first half on Tonic TV Network September 30, 2015. The second half is pay per view and is only .99 cents to find out if Monica marries what looks good on paper or get to be with the love of her life. Here is the link for the first half and will air 9/30/2015. Spread the word about Not So Committed Monica The Short film. Not So Committed Monica (Part Two)